Brotherly love....

Okay, so my brother and I haven't exactly been talking since like February. I think it's so childish but here's the story. I had a birthday party for my son, Malakai, at our house. I invited my whole family and my husband's whole family. So apparently, when my brother-in-law went to hug me bye my brother got offended. My house was crammed full of people. I had a hard time walking through the hallway. I had to worry about ordering pizza (enough for everyone, toppings, and what time to order it...) Plus here's the real kicker of why I was totally not myself. That's the day we told both of our families we were having another baby. :( (makes me sad to think about that day now) I just want to yell at him. "How can you be so selfish?" It makes no sense to me. I'm going to try to sit down and have and ADULT conversation with him. I hope I don't cry. I always cry. I hate hormones.

Recap

I'm goint to get caught up on everything in one swoop. Since losing the baby, I feel as though each day it's harder to get up. Harder to make myself do things. I'm trying so hard to get through it and be strong. Everyone seems to have gotten over except me. Do people get over it?

Malakai is the sweetest thing ever. He has been so lovable lately. More so than usual. He told Josie tonight that she is the best sister ever. I wish Josie would say "mama" I worry that she's behind on her talking.

My grandpa is getting married Saturday. Gross. The reason it's so gross is that my grandma only passed away 7 months ago. It makes me sad. Part of me thinks that he was with this woman before my grandma passed away. Which makes me sick to my stomach.

Brian and I seem to be fighting a lot lately. It's frustrating! I feel like we can't communicate. Maybe it's more me than him. Because I'm on some sort of emotional roller coaster. I think I'm going to go in for a physical with my general practitioner.

I can't believe it's been 2 months and 2 days since the miscarriage. I want Josie to be a big sister and I want them to be close in age but I just can't wrap my head around being pregnant again. Just as I couldn't wrap my head around the idea of just being "unpregnant" after we lost the baby.

I love you Kameron. May you rest in Jesus' arms.